highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
