No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
