I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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