best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
