happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
