I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
