I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
