Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize