Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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