Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
