You just made me feel so damn special
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I cannot find my penis.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
