I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
