This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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