Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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