i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
