i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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