At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
