if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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