barbara walters just said penis...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
