So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We're too hungover to prance.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
