fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
