We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
