My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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