I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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