Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
