Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
3 2 1 whiskey
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
