i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
