Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
