I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How's work?
Spinning.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
