You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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