i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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