I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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