I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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