i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
