My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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