We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
