So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
