It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
