YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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