He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
