Fuck appropriateness.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
