you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
