yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
