We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
