Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
