He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
