Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
