I just made out with a guy for $7.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
