I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is the high leading the old right now
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
