I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
