I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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