Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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