I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
