Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize