We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
