friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
