new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
