he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
