R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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