If that was your dad, he is hot
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We need to rekindle our bromance
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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