i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
