DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
