what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
