At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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