my phone needs a breathalizer
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
