Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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