Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
