So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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