I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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