I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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