guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
don't judge my taste in strippers
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
