I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Is it penis luge time yet?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
