Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize