Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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