All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
