i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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